Writings-Unedited

Insufficient, lonely, evil, insane. Remarkable! I repeated that word to myself until I wore it out like the old t-shirt that laid by my feet. That t-shirt was used instead of a pair of brown chucks, or perhaps a butter knife from the kitchen as a substitute projectile whose final destination was my head. Remarkable. It was so very overly remarkable to me how a woman, a soprano voiced, panty wearing woman could make me feel so insufficient, lonely, evil and insane. I had been through a large number of relationships by now, seeing that I’m twenty-four years old, and by today’s standards, I should have some experience by now. For some reason, however, I had managed to awake a sleeping giant. Not a literal giant and I doubt that she had truly been asleep due to the well thought about daggers that she was throwing at me. But nonetheless, in my mind, I was dealing with an angry previously sleeping giant.
Her name was Jessica. She was tall, taller than average. She had beautiful wavy brown hair and eyes to match. Whether we were on a date at a nice restaurant or waking up in the morning with slight hangovers, Jessi always had a way of looking very well put together. She had become my best friend, one of the best that I had ever had. We shared a lot of similar interests and thoughts. We were able to read each others minds and could finish each others sentences. Jessi made me happy. I used to tell her that she was my twin and the only difference was that she had ovaries. She was a big breath of fresh air.
Back to the present. Jessi and I had been going through some rough times mentally and emotionally. That late afternoon is when we had both apparently drawn our last straws. I had trust issues and she made it known that she had the same problem. Ask yourself this question. What is a relationship without trust? Really ask yourself that question. I have many, many times. The answer that I always come back to is that “it’s lacking one of the most important elements and foundational pieces to a solid relationship”. Our “little” problems had grown into massive ones. They grew rapidly, similar to the Hulk when he would get angry. Now that I think of it, the color of Jessi’s skin DID change color when she became angry, and again, she was quite tall. I was too sensitive for her and she was too much the opposite for me. The whole situation saddened my heart. For a while, we seemed like a perfect match. In the end, we were like a computer that was put together perfectly, piece by piece, and once it’s plugged into the wall, found that someone forgot to pay the electric bill.
Another dilemma that we faced is that we did have an electric bill to pay, along with cable and internet, and rent for a place that we had moved into just a month ago. I loved the place. It had four bedrooms and two bathrooms. The landlords just had hardwood floors installed for us. It felt like home. It’s hard to deal with feeling like you’ve done your best, but your best just wasn’t good enough. Jessi and I decided to take our hearts back from each other. We had been together for three months.